You’ve been told — but only by us

Iola and Allen County have been dissed again. Look at these all-capital-letter warnings from the Kansas (excepting Allen County) Weather Bureau:

REPUBLIC-WASHINGTON-MARSHALL-NEMAHA-BROWN-CLOUD-CLAY-RILEY-
POTTAWATOMIE-JACKSON-JEFFERSON-OTTAWA-DICKINSON-GEARY-MORRIS-
WABAUNSEE-SHAWNEE-DOUGLAS-LYON-OSAGE-FRANKLIN-COFFEY-ANDERSON-
INCLUDING THE CITIES OF...MARYS-VILLE...HIAWATHA...
CONCORDIA...
CLAY CENTER...MANHATTAN...ABILENE...
JUNCTION CITY...TOPEKA...LAW-RENCE...EMPORIA...
OTTAWA.

HOT AND HUMID CONDITIONS WILL BE IN PLACE EARLY THIS WEEK.
TODAY...
LATE AFTERNOON HEAT INDICES REMAIN NEAR 110.
OVERNIGHT HEAT INDICES IN THE UPPER 70S WILL PROVIDE LITTLE RELIEF.

HEAT INDICES TUESDAY AFTERNOON WILL AGAIN CLIMB TO 105 TO 110.

A HEAT ADVISORY IS ISSUED WHEN HIGH HUMIDITIES ARE EXPECTED TO COMBINE WITH HOT TEMPERATURES TO MAKE IT FEEL LIKE IT IS AROUND 105 DEGREES OR GREATER. PERSONS ARE ADVISED TO AVOID PROLONGEDWORK IN THE SUN ... OR IN POORLY VENTILATED AREAS. ALSO KEEP PLENTY OF LIQUIDS ON HAND AND TRY TO STAY IN AN AIR-CONDITIONED ENVIRONMENT.

Now, did you find Allen County, Iola, Humboldt or even Gas listed above. N-O-O-O-O-O-O. None of the Kansas weather mavens knows we’re on the map. Or, if they know, they couldn’t care less how many of us collapse of heat stroke because we went outside and dug a ditch yesterday, not having a clue about the heat and the humidity.
Well, let the Register inform you. It was hot as blue blazes and more humid than Haiti all day Monday. It was a lousy idea to go outside at all, let alone to do anything except splash in the pool.
You’ll never find out from the weather folks — maybe we’re behind in our dues — but it’s likely to be that way (every once in a while) until Tuesday, Sept. 21, at 5 a.m. Remember where you learned.
This is, after all, Kansas and it’s summertime.
Prepare, prepare.

— Emerson Lynn, jr.